pre-2003: what’s the worst thing about q2 call? you miss half the good cases
post-2003: what’s the worst thing about q7 days off? you miss 1/7th the discharge summaries and hospital-to-hospital transfers
internship is not very pleasant. everyone talks about the steep learning curve and how i’ll learn so much this year. and surgical training is supposed to be about decisiveness, being trained to handle anything. i still feel like every situation i’m in requires me to consult the second year resident or above. like i can’t make a single move without running it by someone else first. i sort of felt like residency would be different. i still feel like a medical student in a long coat. well i did have a lot of independence on trauma and it blew up in my face often. i don’t know what’s worse, being unable to make any decisions, or making too many. i wonder when my decisions will magically become better.
that being said, it’s a cool feeling once in a while, to be called to the OR to finish up a case or see something sweet. when i get those rare pages from the OR nurse summoning me, i feel like clark kent changing into superman as i change from my shirt and tie into scrubs.
the other day i saw an open repair of a thoracic aneurysm, where the aorta was exposed above the diaphragm, with the heart beating away in the corner of the exposed field. i still haven’t decided whether seeing something like this is worth it all; i’m not the sort to be amazed by much, or deeply passionate about any particular thing. so i’m skeptical.
anyway, by way of updates, it’s been about 9 weeks and i haven’t quit yet.
my life outside of the hospital and from work is virtually non-existent. i’m ok with that, more or less, so far.
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